they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
