hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
