i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
