im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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