Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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