I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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