Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
