Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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