It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
