Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize