Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
