bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
