Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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