people are starting to question the shark bite story
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
