I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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