I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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