You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
