i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
