I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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