If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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