you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
