I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Panties = found
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