so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
