I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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