He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize