what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
