dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
