I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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