What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
