do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
