He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
