Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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