So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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