I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
