i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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