went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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