U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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