You can't motorboat a personality
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
