morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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