Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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