very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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