hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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