He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
