just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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