Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
