Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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