Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
