Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
