Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
