Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
