You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
