put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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