I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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