Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
