And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
