Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
