I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
