Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
